Breaking the Silence

Child Sexual Abuse – Breaking the Silence

introduction by maggie christian

( a collection of Tips to be aware of which will aid in identifying the potentials for Child Sexual Abuse and that will enable all of us to read the signs if Child Sexual Abuse is occurring. This collection of Tips will be broken up into several parts for less difficult accessibility. If there are more Tips more parts to this collection will be added. this collection comes from the Facebook Page Notes of TAALK: Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse. I am just trying to spread the message so that as many people as possible can become aware of the plague of Child Sexual Abuse and how invasive it is in all possible ways with all possible people. The victims and survivors of Child Sexual Abuse need to know that we are not alone. I hope more people will spread this information so that awareness will be everywhere and Child Sexual Abuse will be recognized for what it is and preventative steps can be taken to protect the children who are now being abused and to let the victims and survivors know that we are acknowledged and Child Sexual Abuse will not be hidden away in some secret closet in which no one shares that secret. We want Child Sexual Abuse to be out in the open so that the world can see it does exist in an awful abundance and must be stopped and prevented and brought to an end where ever it exists. Let the healing begin before it starts. Please read these many pages. If you know of anyone that fits any of these descriptions and know of anyone who needs help and rescuing – reach out your hand and be there for all those children who are being abused or have been abused and help the survivors that were abused and live with the memories. We all that have been and are being abused will always have those memories. PLEASE BECOME AWARE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE and HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.)

Thanks for continuing your education on how to prevent child sexual abuse. Your increased awareness will make a difference in the lives of children around you.

If you have a tip that you’d like to share with others or you would like to provide feedback on this tip, please send us an email at taalktips@taalk.org

TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse

TAALK Tip #100
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – they will choose to volunteer for youth serving organizations such as boys and girls clubs and sports leagues. Be particularly cautious if their own children are not in the organizations they volunteer for. This doesn’t mean that all youth serving volunteers are pedophiles but it is a red flag. Look for other flag to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #99 – missing

TAALK Tip #98
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be aware of who is taking pictures of your children. This is particularly important if your kids are in water sports such as swimming, diving, or water polo. There will often be a parent who volunteers to take pictures for the whole team for the season. Be leery if that parent is over zealous about the job. Check the National Sex Offender’s Registry to be sure they’re not listed.

True Story: I recently met a Mom who shared that she found out that the Dad who volunteered to take pictures for the swim team at her child’s high school was a registered sex offender. She brought it to the attention of the school and they were unwilling to do anything about it. Don’t back down, call the School District, call the County Dept of Education, call the State Dept of Education. You should never back down when you know there is inherent risk.

TAALK Tip #97
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a nanny, be sure to do a full background check, preferably with fingerprints.

TAALK Tip #96
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Make a list of all of your kids friends and make a point of talking with each of their parents about the child sexual abuse epidemic. Invite them to go to our website to learn more and ask them to partner with you to learn how to protect kids.

TAALK Tip #95
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that child sexual abuse happens at the hands of strangers. The offenders walk among us.

Statistic: 30-40% of child sexual abuse victims are abused by a family member, another 50% by someone outside the family they know and trust. Therefore only 10% are abused by strangers.

TAALK Tip #94
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to sleep over a friend’s house, talk with your child before they go about who will be there and remind them that no one is to touch their private parts or do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Ask your child about these things upon return.

Also tell the adults where your child will be staying, that you and your child are educated about child sexual abuse. And that you have informed your child about appropriate touch and safety, and your child is authorized to call home 24/7 without asking them permission. Remind your child about these things in front of the adult so they know that the adult is aware of the rules.

TAALK Tip #93
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you see a child with physical trauma to the genital or anal areas, they are most likely being abused. Call your pediatrician, family doctor or local hospital immediately and ask if your county has a specialized child sexual assault examination clinic. If so, take your child there, if not then take them to the pediatrician, doctor, or hospital. Do not bathe your child, change their clothes, or clean them in anyway before taking them to a doctor.

TAALK Tip #92
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: All schools should have a child sexual abuse prevention policy that is in writing and includes strong screening policies for all faculty, administrative staff and grounds personnel. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #91
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to go to a friend’s house, ask the parents if there is any reason they will need to leave the house. If so, will they take the kids with them? Be aware if they kids will be left behind with older siblings. Ask your child about these details upon return.

TAALK Tip #90
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – they choose to live in places where children congregate such as above the pool, facing the park/swing set, near a school bus stop, etc. This doesn’t mean that all people who choose these living arrangements are pedophiles but it is a red flag. Look for other flags to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #89
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Children of all ages and even adults for that matter, should avoid being alone outdoors at night. There is a high risk of sexual assault and/or abduction at night which becomes even greater if this behavior is predictable such as walking the same time every night on the same street.

TAALK Tip #88
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Most abuse happens in one adult-one child situations. Be a good role model and always avoid being alone in a car with a child other than your own. If you are ever put in a position where you have to give a child a ride when there is no one else in the car with you, insist that the child sit in the back seat. Insist on the same behavior of other adults who drive your children.

TAALK Tip #87
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Take the opportunity to tell your medical providers and lab technicians about the child sexual abuse statistics and that you’re committed to lowering the risk for your child and invite him/her to go to our website to learn more. This is a great way to let them know that you and your child are savvy and therefore off-limits. This will raise their awareness as well.

TAALK Tip #86
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Take the time to reach out to other parents who are friends with a child of a convicted sex offender. Suggest that they make the family aware that they know about the conviction and know that it is not their children’s fault. Invite them to play at your house where you can ensure close supervision and help the offender’s children to continue to have normal healthy social interactions.

TAALK Tip #85
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be especially cautious of predators at children’s gatherings such as G rated movies and children’s concerts (Hannah Montana, etc.). These are venues where pedophiles can spend hours looking at young children and some may even try to create opportunities to molest. So, keep your children with you at all times.

TAALK Tip #84
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Note. This applies to the USA National Sex Offenders Registry.

Information acquired from the National Sex Offender’s Registry or a state registry website is for personal use and protection of your children. Although you have the right to let others know of information you’ve discovered, any person who uses the information to threaten, intimidate or harass a registrant or a member of his/her family may be subject to criminal prosecution. So, please protect this valuable asset by using the information wisely.

TAALK Tip #83
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: With regards to medical exams, teach your children to follow their gut instinct if something feels or seems wrong, it probably is. Empower them to say no. You never know when someone, even a parent or step parent will try to disguise sexual abuse saying it is medically necessary.

TAALK Tip #82
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Ask your school principle to explain their child sexual abuse prevention policy. These policies should be documented and you can request a copy.

TAALK Tip #81
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – they choose careers that allow them to be with kids – teachers, daycare workers, professional coaches, music teachers, etc. This doesn’t mean that all people who choose these careers are pedophiles but it is important to pay close attention and look for pedophile signs to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #80
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Insist on a “no secret” policy within your family. Teach your children from the earliest age that there is NEVER a reason to keep secrets from either of their parents or their siblings. Teach them that if anyone says “it’s our secret” or “you can’t tell anyone because…” it is a sign of danger and they need to immediately tell you or another trusted adult.

TAALK Tip #79
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If a child begins to show unexplainable and seemingly unreasonable behavior related to being alone or with specific people, support their needs and make an effort to understand why. If necessary, get professional help to further understanding the behavior. It may be a sign that they are trying to protect themselves from someone.

True Story:
I recently spoke with a Mom whose oldest daughter was sexually abused by her husband. Her daughter slept on the top of a bunk bed and her two sisters slept on the bottom. Her father would molest her when he was tucking her into bed at night while her two little sisters were in the bed below. Eventually, she began sleeping with her two sisters in the bottom bed to avoid the abuse. Of course, her sisters wanted to move to the top bunk for more room but her daughter insisted that all three of them sleep in one bed no matter how crowded it was.

TAALK Tip #78
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pay close attention when an older child begins to be overly protective of younger siblings, especially in keeping them away from certain people. This could be a sign that the older child has been sexually abused and is now concerned that the younger siblings will become targets. Older children who have kept their own secret for years often disclose when they realize their siblings are at risk.

TAALK Tip #77
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you’re going to have contract workers at your house for an extended period of time, take the time to check the Sex Offenders’ Registry for their names and be sure to never leave your kids alone in the house with them.

True Story:
I recently spoke with a friend who had her house remodeled and had a contractor working in her house daily for several months. After he had completed the work, a neighbor told her that he was a registered sex offender. When she looked, indeed he was listed on the registry. There was no sign of incident with her kids but this was very scary to know he had so many opportunities to access her kids.
Thanks for continuing your education on how to prevent child sexual abuse. Your increased awareness will make a difference in the lives of children around you.

TAALK Tip #76
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to go to a friend’s house, make sure you have met both of the parents and any other adults living in the house.

TAALK Tip #75
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Beware of predators at children’s movies. What a great place to watch the children! Keep your children close to you and ensure that you never let young children walk alone or go to the bathroom alone at the theater.

TAALK Tip #74 – missing

TAALK Tip #73
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophile Traits – They are sometimes married but have a “special relationship” that enables their behavior. This might include insisting on their wife wearing pigtails or dressing up as a young girl before sex.

TAALK Tip #72
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child participates in any water sports such as swimming, diving or water polo, be very attuned to anyone taking pictures of your child in their swimsuits. These pictures often end up on the internet. Approach whoever it is and ask them to stop.

TAALK Tip #71
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophile Traits – They have no apparent same-age partner or close friends.

TAALK Tip #70 – Repost with Additional Info**
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Get your child a cell phone as soon as they begin spending time away from you. Even if it is a prepaid phone for emergency purposes only, they need to have immediate direct access to you in case they find themselves at risk.

**However, they do not need to have texting or internet access on their phones at a young age. These extended features are another way for predators to access our children, especially when they are away from home and we can’t keep a close eye on them.**

TAALK Tip #69
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be careful in places like Laundromats where it’s normal for people to sit by themselves for long periods of time just looking around. Keep your kids very close to you and have your eye on them at all times.

An investigator told me a story about a predator who used to sit by himself at the Laundromat and while the parents weren’t looking, he would grab the young kids into the bathroom and molest them and then send them back out and just sit back down and wait for the next victim.

TAALK Tip #68
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk with your child and share age appropriate information regarding child sexual abuse, what it is, what you do to protect them, what they can do to protect themselves, and what to do if someone makes them feel uncomfortable.

TAALK Tip #67
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk to your teenager girls about gynecological appointments and what to expect. Let them know that a Doctor should never examine their private parts without a nurse in the room. Explain that the exam should be very brief and the Doctor should not have “roaming” hands.

TAALK Tip #66
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: As soon as your kids are old enough to communicate, teach them what sexual abuse, molestation and grooming mean and give them examples.

TAALK Tip #65
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:As soon as your kids are old enough to communicate, teach your children that no one should touch them where their bathing suit covers.

TAALK Tip #64
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child is babysitting, insist that they call you immediately if for some reason they find themselves alone in the house with one adult.

TAALK Tip #63
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Never make your children sit on someone’s lap if they don’t want to. Trust your child’s instincts – if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

TAALK Tip #62
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child is receiving tutoring outside your home, be very specific about where the tutoring will take place. Ensure that it is in a location that is observable by other adults such as a library, outdoors in the courtyard, etc. Talk with your child after each tutoring session and ask specifics about where they were and and who was around.

Statistic: 80% of abuse happens in one adult/one child situations.

TAALK Tip #61
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your kids have relatives that they like to snuggle with or sit on their lap, be sure that you can see both of the relatives hands at all times.

True Story: I’ve heard several stories about survivors who had relatives who fondled them under their dresses or under a blanket while sitting on their laps at a family gathering in in a room full of people.

TAALK Tip #60
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Most abuse happens in one adult-one child situations. Be a good role model and always avoid being alone in a car with a child other than your own. If you are ever put in a position where you have to give a child a ride when there is no one else in the car with you, insist that the child sit in the back seat. Insist on the same behavior of other adults who drive your children.

TAALK Tip #59
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: As soon as your children are old enough to be “safe” by themselves, teach them to close and lock the bathroom door when toileting, bathing or changing. This is particularly important when at other people’s houses or when they’re with a babysitter but it’s also a good habit to get into at home.

Fact: Some offenders gain access to children when the kids are unsuspecting and indisposed. Some perpetrators start their relationship with voyeurism which is the act of obtaining sexual gratification from observing unsuspecting individuals who are partly undressed, naked, or engaged in sexual acts; broadly : one who habitually seeks sexual stimulation by visual means.

TAALK Tip #58
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be cautious of adults who stay very current on kids trends, especially in music, internet games and chat rooms, etc. This is one of the many tools that perpetrators use to build a friendship with children.

TAALK Tip #57
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child complains of pain during urination or bowel movements, this could be caused by sexual activity. Take them to visit a pediatrician or family doctor right away.

TAALK Tip #56
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
One of our readers provided input that this tip unfairly focuses on female teachers as the perpetrators and doesn’t discuss male teachers as potential perpetrators. I explained to her that this particular tip was designed to make sure that people don’t fall for the false misconception that perpetrators are always male. But to her point, it is important to limit one adult/one child situations as much as possible regardless of gender and their role in the community. I appreciate her input and thought I would pass it on to all of you.

Tip:Teen boys should never be alone with female teachers.

Statistic: A 2004 U.S. Department of Education study found that women made up 40 percent of educators reported for sexual misconduct with students.

TAALK Tip #55
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be particularly cautious of teen boys who seem to have a “close” relationship with an adult woman.

Fact: Women who seek sex with underage boys are more likely than men to focus on one person and to profess love and loyalty and a sense of a particular and profound bond.

TAALK Tip #54
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be on the watch for adults who have close relationships with children and then when the child reaches a certain age, the adult “drops” them and goes on to build a close relationship with another younger child.

Fact: Pedophiles are attracted to children within a very specific age range, typically prepubescent. When the child reaches puberty, the pedophile will move on.

TAALK Tip #53
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: There are four types of cyber predators:
Collectors: people who collect child pornography by downloading it from elsewhere on the internet
Travelers: people who do interstate travel with the intent to sexually abuse a child
Manufacturers: people who either personally create child pornography or “order and direct” the manufacturing of child pornography
Chatters: people who groom and sexually solicit children in internet chat rooms

TAALK Tip #52
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual AbuseTip: Cyber predators are people who use a computer to commit sex offenses. This is sometimes referred to as technophilia.

TAALK Tip #51
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Although the National Sex Offender’s Registry is a good source of information, don’t rely on it to provide information on all sex offenders. Only a percentage of convicted sex offenders are required to be “publically” registered. Some states only list high-risk offenders and some states such as California allow sex offenders convicted of interfamilial abuse to “opt out” of the sex offender registry. In some cases courts even allow convicted child molesters to return to their home and live with their children after they’ve completed their prison term.

National Sex Offender’s Registry online:

TAALK Tip #50
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:If a child discloses that they have been sexually abused, believe them and take immediate action to protect the child from the offender and report the incident to the police.

Statistic:Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute only 1% to 4% of all reported cases. Of these reports, 75% are falsely reported by adults and 25% are reported by children. Children only fabricate ½% of the time.

TAALK Tip #49
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:Any type of interest in or possession of child pornography is a huge red flag. Do not let someone who has displayed this behavior be alone with your children at any time.

Statistic:Research shows that 80% of those convicted of child pornography possession and/or distribution later self disclose committing contact sexual offenses.

TAALK Tip #48
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child is babysitting, make sure you have an emergency phrase that they can use to signal you to come pick them up immediately. Something such as “I forgot to take my red sweater out of the dryer, can you get it out for me?” This can also be used in reverse if you leave your child home with a babysitter, have an emergency phrase that signals you to come home.

TAALK Tip #47
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a nanny, let him/her know that you and your children are educated about child sexual abuse.

Fact: Pedophile’s prey on the naïve and vulnerable. If they know your child is aware and that you’re watching, they will find a less risky target.

TAALK Tip #46
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a nanny or a babysitter, be very attuned to your children’s reaction to him/her. If they ever show fear or discomfort about being left with that person, trust their instinct and get someone else.

TAALK Tip #45
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Watch over your boys just as much as you do your girls. Don’t allow yourself to think that boys do not become victims of child sexual abuse or that they are strong enough to protect themselves.

Statistics: 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18.

TAALK Tip #44
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your daughter shows signs of eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia, seek medical help immediately.

Statistics: Young girls who are sexually abused are more likely to develop eating disorders as adolescents.

TAALK Tip #43
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you child has anxiety or panic attacks, this is a very common sign of abuse and you should seek professional counseling right away to help determine the cause.

TAALK Tip #42
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to sleep over a friend’s house, ask the parents who will be at their house during the evening and overnight. Be aware of single adult situations. Also be aware of older siblings, especially boys. Ask your child who was there upon return. Also ask if they will leave the house while your child is there and what the planned activities are. Ask your child about these things upon return.

TAALK Tip #41
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Adults and/or older siblings who wonder around the house at night should be watched very closely. If you find your spouse or older child out of bed at night, you need to get up and go and find out where they are and why they’re not in bed. Be bold and ensure your children are safe!

Fact: I was speaking with a therapist the other day and she shared a case study of a family where the father left the bedroom every night for several hours and the mother never checked to see where he was. Later she found out that he was in their daughter’s room every night sexually abusing her.

TAALK Tip #40
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Offenders are drawn to opportunities to be around children. They will seek out youth serving organizations who do not have strict policies about child sexual abuse prevention. Insist on formal, strict, well documented policies.

TAALK Tip #39
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: “Grooming” behaviors are actions offenders take to gain the trust and friendship of children and/or their parents. Grooming behaviors towards parents include:
Offering to tutor your child who is struggling in school, often at no charge
Offering to drive your kids to sports practices, music lessons, etc.
Offering to watch your kids so you and your spouse have some time to alone
Buying you expensive gifts
Helping you out financially so there’s a feeling of indebtedness
Talking about how great your kids are (smart, beautiful, talented)

TAALK Tip #38
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
One of our tips recipients asked to me clarify “grooming” behavior. So I thought it would be good to share it with everyone.

Tip: “Grooming” behaviors are actions offenders take to gain the trust and friendship of children and/or their parents. Grooming behaviors towards children include:
* Showering kids with gifts * Giving kids treats, often ones their parents wouldn’t allow such as sweets * Taking kids on special outings such as to the park, movies, beach, pool, etc. * Positioning themselves as a friend rather than a parental figure * Becoming the only one who “understands” them. This is especially important when grooming an adolescent or young teen who is struggling with lack of understanding from their parents. * Letting kids get away with inappropriate behavior such as being rude, bad language, breaking rules, or dangerous behavior such as shooting a BB Gun, riding bikes without a helmet, riding on the hood of a car, etc. Always being the “fun” adult, playing games, coloring, rough housing * Asking kids to keep “little” secrets from their parents such as the treats or dangerous behaviors. Only after a child has proven they can keep “little” secrets, will the offender start to introduce “big” secrets such as sexual talk, pornography, sexual touching etc.

I’ll cover grooming behaviors towards adults tomorrow.

TAALK Tip #37
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:If your child withdraws from friends, family or activities they previously enjoyed, look for other signs of abuse and seek professional counseling to help determine the cause.

TAALK Tip #36
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:Sexual offenders often act out in order to temporarily decrease internal/emotional distress. So, if there is someone who has exhibited some grooming behavior, be particularly careful during times of high stress (emotional, financial, health, etc.).

TAALK Tip #35
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a nanny, be sure to ask for AND call references. Ask specific questions about their children’s physical and emotional health, grades, and social behavior during the time the nanny was with them.

TAALK Tip #34
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Don’t allow yourself to have a “them and us” attitude. Perpetrators walk among us; they are from every race, religion and socio-economic sector; they are somebody’s son and somebody’s daughter; and they are often somebody’s husband, wife, father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or cousin. Child sexual abuse knows no boundaries.

Statistic:30-40% of victims are abused by a family member.

TAALK Tip #33
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:Install full-time monitoring software on your children’s computer to view every email, IM, chat, uploaded file, and MySpace profile. It’s not enough to use parental control software to block sites. Children today are computer savvy, they know how to get around these controls. We recommend eBlaster and/or Spector Pro (www.spectorsoft.com).

Statistic:1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the Internet.

TAALK Tip #32
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: There is rarely a reason for your child to have to be at school early or stay late unless there is a specific planned activity that they’re participating in. This could be a sign of time spent with an offender whether that be a teacher or administrator or even other children their age or older who are being abusive. Ask why!

TAALK Tip #31
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: All schools should have a child sexual abuse prevention policy that is in writing and includes strong screening policies for all faculty, administrative staff and grounds personnel. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #30
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Internet Safety – Someone Shared this With Me -Today I’m sure your organisation is already aware of predetors using social networking sites to groom children online. I have recently become personally aware of a male in my local area has been arrested for doing this. The person in question has been using an email adress in his wifes name along with a picture of his teenage stepdaughter to set up a facebook account to get to young girls. I want to help make parents & carers aware that they must monitor who there kids are talking to. Our kids are still vunerable in their teenage years, even though they think that they are “old enough” not to need supervision. NO EFFORT IS TOO MUCH when it comes to protecting ALL CHILDREN.

TAALK Tip #29
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:Never let your children go into a public bathroom alone. An adult should be with them until they are adolescents and then they can begin to use the buddy system and go with a group of friends or older sibling, as appropriate. You need to follow this rule even if it means bringing a child of the opposite gender into the restroom with you.

TAALK Tip #28
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: As your children move into adolescence and you allow them to be away from your side, teach them how to recognize pedophile behavior, how to remove themselves from the situation and to come and tell you immediately.

Fact:We held my daughter’s end of season softball party in a picnic area at the beach. The parents allowed a group of about 8 girls (eleven and twelve year olds) to play on the grass about 40 yards from where we were sitting. In the middle of the party, I looked up and saw the girls sitting in a circle playing clapping games with a male stranger about 30 years old! Needless to say this shocked me and I immediately went over and told this man he had to leave and that it was not okay for the girls to play with strangers.

TAALK Tip #27
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:Be especially cautious of predators at children’s gatherings such as G rated movies and children’s concerts (Hannah Montana, etc.). These are venues where pedophiles can spend hours looking at young children and some may even try to create opportunities to molest. So, keep your children with you at all times.

TAALK Tip #26
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Never let your children post pictures of themselves in bathings suits on MySpace or any other social networking site.

Fact:When pedophile’s pornography collections are seized, investigators regularly find pictures that they’ve cut and pasted from MySpace as part of their personal collection.

TAALK Tip #25
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual AbuseTip: Have every adult in your household attend a child sexual abuse prevention class. Don’t ever put yourself in a position to have to say “I wish we would have known.” See our website for in person and on-line training classes.

Statistic:50% of abuse is by someone we know and trust.Thanks for continuing your education on how to prevent child sexual abuse. Your increased awareness will make a difference in the lives of children around you.

TAALK Tip #24
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:When hiring a babysitter, consider hiring a babysitting team. Often young girls team up when they are fairly new at babysitting. This will minimize the risk by avoiding leaving a child with a single caretaker.

Statistic: 50% of abuse is by someone we know and trust.Thanks for continuing your education on how to prevent child sexual abuse.

TAALK Tip #23
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be leery of adults who shower kids with gifts. Also be aware of adults who shower the parents with gifts in an attempt to gain their trust and friendship.

Statistic:30-40% of abuse is by a family member and another 50% is by someone we know and trust.

TAALK Tip #22
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Teach your children that they should never be alone with a teacher or administrator. If they find themselves in this situation, they need to tell the teacher about your family’s rule against one adult/one child situations and ask that they immediately move to an open and observable area.

Statistic: More than 80% of sexual abuse cases happen in 1 child/ 1 adult situations. – Darkness to Light.

TAALK Tip #21
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: There are many abuser profiles. They are men and they are women. Some will only abuse their biological children, some will only abuse other’s children, some like boys and some like girls and then some have no boundaries at all. You may not have seen the whole picture though. So, don’t make the mistake of assuming a convicted or accused child molester will not cross outside of their known profile.

TAALK Tip #20
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Children of all ages and even adults for that matter, should avoid being alone in a pool or jacuzzi at night. It is very easy to rape a girl that’s only wearing a swimsuit and is not in a position to run away. It is also difficult for others to see what’s happening behind a fence, plants and under the water.

True story. A close friend shared that when she was young, lots of kids in her neighborhood would get into a jacuzzi at night at a neighbors house, and sometimes the dad of the house would get in with the kids and touch the girls under their bathing suits.

TAALK Tip #19
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child has their annual check-up with the pediatrician, tell your child that the doctor needs to examine them and ask if it’s okay. Let them know that the doctor is going to look at (and touch, if applicable) their private parts. Tell them that this is okay because it needs to be done for medical reasons and that it’s okay because Mom or Dad is there along with the Doctor. Explain that it would not be okay for the Doctor to do this if they were alone.

TAALK Tip #18
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be careful at restaurants that have indoor playgrounds such as McDonalds. If you see a man sitting by himself outside, not eating, it’s very likely he’s there just to watch the kids. I recommend you find another place to play.

TAALK Tip #17
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a babysitter, bathe your children and have them in their pajamas before he/she arrives. Never give the babysitter a reason to have your children unclothed.

TAALK Tip #16
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: There are two types of child molesters: 1) Situational Molester: Not a true “pedophile” in that they do not prefer to have sex with a child, but turn to a child for sexual gratification due to stressors, curiosity, boredom or they are sexually/morally indiscriminate and 2) Preferential Molester: The classic “pedophile” who has recurring sexual fantasies involving children, they prefer children and seek them out.

TAALK Tip #15
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Never let your children sit near the pier at the beach. Pedophiles build their pornography collection by taking pictures of young children in their bathing suits from the pier that overlooks the sand at the beach. These pictures are typically modified to remove the bathing suit and add private parts and then uploaded to the internet within hours.

TAALK Tip #14
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:If you hire a babysitter who needs a ride home after your children are asleep, make prior arrangements for the babysitter’s parents to pick him/her up. You should never be alone in a car with a child.

TAALK Tip #13
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be sure that all computers that have internet access are in a common room in your house. However, don’t be fooled into thinking this will actually deter your children from inappropriate internet behavior unless you’re going to sit right next to them. It will however, allow you to understand how much time they are spending on the internet which is important to ensuring they do not become addicted. Yes, there is now a recognized physical addiction to technology!

TAALK Tip #12
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Embrace and nurture the gift of fear in you and in your children as it can and will protect you if you’ll only listen.

Book: I recently read a book by Gavin de Becker called Protecting the Gift and he talks about how intuition sends many messengers to warn us, messengers such as doubt, suspicion, apprehension and hesitation, but the most urgent – and often the most valuable – is fear. He said that true fear is a gift because it is a survival signal that sounds in the presence of danger. This is a must read for every parent!

TAALK Tip #11
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When evaluating a daycare center for your infant, be sure to ask about the diapering facilities. They should be in a location that is observable by multiple adults throughout the course of the day.

TAALK Tip #10
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk with your kids’ teachers about child sexual abuse. It’s important that they know that you’re aware and that you’ve made your children aware and taught them how to recognize dangerous situations. If the teacher is an offender, they’ll likely move on to another child who will be easier to groom.

Statistic:A seven-month Associated Press investigation found 2,570 educators whose teaching credentials were revoked, denied, voluntarily surrendered or limited from 2001 through 2005 following allegations of sexual misconduct. Young people were the victims in at least 1,801 of the cases, and more than 80 percent of those were students. More than half the educators who were punished by their states also were convicted of crimes related to the misconduct.

TAALK Tip #9
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to go to a friend’s house, ask the parents about their family internet policy. Where are the computers in the house located? Do they have parental control software? Do their kids have MySpace profiles, eMail, IM? These questions will allow you to understand the level of risk and negotiate an agreement with the friend’s parents and your child about use of the internet while at their house.

Statistic: 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.

TAALK Tip #8
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be a role model. Avoid one adult/one child situations. Make sure when you do need to have a one adult/one child situation that it is observable and interruptable. Follow these behavior tips even when they’re inconvenient. You can’t hold others accountable if you aren’t willing to be.

Statistic: More than 80% of sexual abuse cases occur in one-adult/one-child situations.

TAALK Tip #7 – missing

TAALK Tip #6
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:When your child will be spending time with another adult or older child, ask these caretakers what the plan is for their time together. Make sure that there is a specific plan and timeline. Ask your child about the details of how they spent their time when they return. Be aware of the child’s eye movement and body language and look for any signs of discomfort.

TAALK Tip #5
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you have multiple children, monitor their interactions closely. Also pay close attention if your family spends time with families that have multiple children at different ages. Abuse is more likely when there is several years age difference and the older one is in a position of authority or is admired by the
younger child.

TAALK recommends that you tell the parents of other children that you spend time with, that you and your children are educated about sexual abuse and that you regularly talk about good touch, bad touch, self respect and secrets. Ask that you (kids and adults) sit down together at one of your time together and discuss this as a group so everyone is on the same page. This gives the younger children power to speak up and are more likely to tell, if someone breaks the ‘rules’ you may have discussed with them as a group. Do this regularly to remind the kids and the adults that everyone is paying attention to keeping them safe.

Statistic: Nearly 40 percent of children who are abused are abused by older and larger children that they know.

TAALK Tip #4
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a babysitter, consider hiring a young girl instead of a boy. This will minimize the risk because statistically there are fewer female offenders.

TAALK Tip #3
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you find that someone in your child’s life appears on the National Sex Offender Registry DO NOT let your child be alone with this person, not even for an instant. It doesn’t matter if they’re male or female, young or old. If they have abused once they have the propensity to abuse again. You should let them know that you’re aware of the conviction and that your family, including your children, are trained in child sexual abuse prevention and that you’re watching them.

TAALK Tip #2
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child is invited to spend time or have a sleep over at a new friend’s house, find out the names of all the people who live in the house. Then take the time to look for each of them on the National Sex Offender’s Registery http://www.nsopr.gov/

True Story: I was speaking with a very diligent father about the epidemic and he shared that his daughter had been invited to a sleepover at a friend’s house. When he found out her parents were divorced and the sleepover was at her Dad’s house, he took the time to look on the National Sex Offender’s Registry and indeed found that her father had been convicted of child sexual abuse.

TAALK Tip #1
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child needs a medical test done such as an X-ray, CT or MRI, insist on one of the following: 1) being in the room, 2) leaving the door open and being just outside the door or 3) if there is a viewing window, stay where you can clearly see your child. Don’t allow the technican to tell you that you can’t stay due to exposure. There’s no reason why you can’t stand with the technician.